I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize