Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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