When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
