Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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