I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
