I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
