Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
