i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just forgot I was standing up.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
