My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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