Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my shit smells like andre
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
