Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
