operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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