First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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