I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
