he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
They took my balls.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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