1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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