May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize