Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
