So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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