We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
