Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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