We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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