As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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