she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
