whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
