and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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