Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Farmville is her only friend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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