If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
