And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and she was petting her beer can
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
