hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
