"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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