So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
