Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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