Those balls look pretty dangerous.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
