I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
