No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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