I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
