singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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