like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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