I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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