Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
