Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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