i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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