No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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