he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
