he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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