Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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