I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
