What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
