I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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