Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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