There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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