You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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