When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
