i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
