You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
