If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
