I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
