thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
