jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize