Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
