Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
