8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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