You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize