There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
