Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
no. you can't hotbox the world.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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