So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
