omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
