You're my little dorito
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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