He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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